ElePHPant Haven

So, I got a new pet for Christmas from Esther. I'm currently looking for name suggestions.

It also came with an instruction manual, which is just awesome :D

Congratulations on your purchase of a USB Pet Rock!

Cared for properly, your USB Pet Rock will bring you years of affection, loyalty and enjoyment. Please read the included instruction manual carefully.

Care and Feeding of your USB Pet Rock

1. Your USB Pet Rock is sensitive to temperature and climate changes. Do not place in a hot oven. Do not submerge in water for longer than 20 days. USB Pet Rock may be frozen for up to 5 years without affecting performance.
2. Interact with your USB Pet Rock by speaking or touching it on a daily basis, otherwise depression may set in.
3. Your USB Pet Rock loves pizza and hamburgers. However it eats very tiny amounts not normally discernible by humans. Place foods next to your Pet Rock and leave them there overnight for proper feeding.
4. Ensure your USB Pet Rock is connected to the USB port of your computer at least 8 hours per day. Otherwise its mating ritual will be interrupted.

Games to Play with Your USB Pet Rock

Your USB Pet rock is a wealth of fun. Try these special games with it and see how it reacts!

• Stare-Down
• Who is the Most Still?
• Deep Thinking
• Who Can Exist the Longest?

USB Pet Rock Lifespan

Unfortunately due to mistreatment, or after several hundred thousand years your USB Pet Rock may pass away. However even after death your USB Pet Rock will still retain all functionality. Please do not bury or discard it.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Does my USB Pet Rock draw power from my computer's USB port?

A: Yes, but luckily it has a built in generator which re-charges your computer in the exact amount of power drained.

Q: Can my USB Pet Rock be used as a weapon?

A: Probably, yes. However we make no claims as to its effectiveness against home intruders.

Q: Does my USB Pet Rock love me?

Certainly it does. Don't you see the way it's looking at you right now?

Q: Does my USB Pet Rock store data like a thumb drive?

A: Unfortunately, no. But it has a very active mind and is watching you at all times recording your experiences.

I also got a bonsai tree. Now I just need one more cactus and my windowsill will be complete :)